Thursday, January 17, 2008


Over the last week or two, a certain subject has come up with different people--Life after Motherhood. Or Is This all There is? Does having a child define me? Is there something else that makes me tick? Is motherhood hard?

The first person that I chatted with is a good friend that is very intelligent (has her own business) and mother of two. She has traveled and worked outside the home. I value her perspective. We both agree that Motherhood is not hard, on the contrary, it doesn't take a brain to get up and feed a kid or change a diaper. We both agree that the monotony is what gets you. It's almost like carpal tunnel syndrome of the brain. Simple things, just repeated over and over and over. You get the idea.

The next conversation was with a man my age, soon to be married, with no kids. He totally got it. He felt like one needs to get out of their zone and give to others. That's right. He didn't mean your children. It is very important for moms to have something to focus on other than their own children. Perhaps volunteering and helping out someone less fortunate. Or maybe working a few hours a week that ensures you get out and see other people.

And just today I ran into a woman at a Bible study. I first met this lady about two years ago at the park. She and her husband were meeting for lunch and I was there with my kids for our play group day. I noticed the license plate on her car was from Georgia. Another transplant. Another southerner. Of course, I said hi (that would be the southerner in me) and asked her where she was fun, etc. We went on our separate ways. Fast forward a few months and I run into her again at kindergarten registration. And then a few months later we see each other at a festival down town. Each time we chat, we say hello, remind each other of our first names. You know how it is. Each one has "enough" friends or whatever the case may be.

Today was a little different. I remembered her name, first of all, and she began to open up a bit. She mentioned that she was struggling since they had moved up here away from friends and family in the south. That the culture was different and she didn't feel at home. I told her that I totally could identify with her on that regard. I had moved to the north from Tennessee years ago and had felt that same feeling. She mentioned that she is more than so-n-so's mom. Yes, and just recently, I had been struggling with that issue. She said that she felt like an outsider.

I don't think it is an accident that I ran into her all those other times and then again today. I think for her to say those things to me (barely more than a stranger) shows how she is hurting.

The Bible Study is about the Psalms of the Ascents. In other words, the songs about moving upward. I have felt that feeling of being down lately and thought, wow! God really does know how to use timing. It's funny, until we are ready, we can't and don't hear what we need to hear. I don't know where this study will take me, but I am ready to hear. Yes, timing is everything.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is an appointed time for everything.
And there is a time for every event under heaven-- time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up. time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance. time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away. time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak. time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.


Auburn Kat said...

I couldn't agree with you more! I really think that there is a time for everything and that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes..we will never know the reason.

Char said...

Wow! And here I was struggling with not being ABLE to have children and defining myself with that label! Thanks so much for sharing that with us (me).

And just as well God allowed your path to cross with another fellow Tennessee'r so you could help her too huh? c",)